


Sex and Shame

by Fic_finisher (orphan_account)



Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men: Battle of the Atom
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blood, Child Neglect, Gang Rape, Gender Dysphoria, Intersex Character, M/M, Other, Racism, Rape Aftermath, Slurs, Vaginal Sex, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-14 14:19:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5747614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Fic_finisher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drabbles on Raze's sex life, beginning with the first and most traumatic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. First Time

**Author's Note:**

> Well. I am officially an evil person.
> 
> Normally I'd say enjoy, except if you enjoy this I will personally find and slaughter you. 
> 
> That said.
> 
> I hope it's decently indecent.

Sometimes Raze went out looking like an adult. It let them wander into bars and look around at the different people. Watch how they behaved, listen to how they spoke, caught the scents of what they drank and ate. Other times they went as some man they knew - Victor, or Logan, or the butler or chauffeur. A couple of times, they'd gone as their mother, impersonating her flawlessly for some business deal. Even at twelve, Raze knew enough to be able to understand talk about weapons, drug, and slave trafficking. They might never have made a deal in them before, but they knew a lot about negotiating, too. They figured they did an okay job working stuff out with the dealer who had complaints about some guy on one of his distributor's corners.

This time, he was out as a male human his own age. This was the place between High Town and Low Town where everything was nice but the people started to get seedier. This particular part of that place had mostly humans in the nearest blocks, hence his choice of species. Raze liked the park here. It had long swings he could go really high on. Made him feel like he was flying.

Not right now, though. Right now he felt really fucking angry and hurt. Plus he was starting to feel sick from the swing's lurching, low movement. He wasn't trying to get it high, just moving his legs enough to keep it going. There was a small group of men not far away that he normally would've kept a close, suspicious eye on. Instead, he merely kept them in his awareness while he focused on his problem.

Raze was sick of hiding. He was only allowed to leave the house with Raven. He didn't like that. He couldn't go to a school with other kids because his mother wanted him to learn specific things. He couldn't talk to people online because she screened all his activity and if he said the wrong things, he'd be in trouble. Besides working on developing hacking skills, the late night outings were how Raze took some control over himself. He could go where he wanted, be who he wanted, say what he wanted, do what he wanted. Still. He had to hide from her to do any of it.

That, on top of irritation, had the kid out here making himself sick on the swings. Irritation because she threatened to send him to Uncle Victor early this year. Irritation because she didn't know him well enough to know that Raze liked his uncle. Maybe 'like' was the wrong word. He wasn't sure yet how he felt towards the man - this would be only his fourth summer - but he definitely wasn't scared of Creed like mama seemed to believe.

Neither was he scared of the men who were approaching. Raze dragged his foot to slow the swing down, focusing now. They were all bigger than him - no surprise there - but they all seemed human. He might be able to beat them if he had to. He didn't really want to kill things, though. He watched them, picked out prominent features. Two had scruff. One had sideburns with it that didn't suit him, the other a receding hairline and wide nose. The other was Singaporian, without facial hair but with a couple piercings in a brow. 

"Hey boy," he said, accent strong. Raze's currently brown eyes flicked from the sideburn guy to the one who spoke, but otherwise he didn't move. "Why are you out this late?"

Raze shrugged. Mama told him that he didn't need to explain himself to strangers. Hairline pulled out a cigarette and lighter. The boy's nose twitched, and he looked at the drug with distaste as the man lit it.

"Do your parents live nearby?" Singapore asked. Raze didn't bother to look back at him as he shrugged again. 

Singapore didn't seem very impressed. "Do you have parents?"

"Do you?" Raze said back, now looking with narrowed eyes. The cigarette smoke was irritating his sensitive nose. Victor's cigars had a sweet smell. Cigarettes were too full of garbage to smell sweet. He hated the rare times Mom smoked. She tended to do it in the house.

"Little rebel's got a mouth on him," Sideburns finally spoke. The shifter's attention settled on him again. The cool, hungry look in his eyes interested the boy, even if he felt a bit uneasy when the man approached him and bent down to eye-level. He made a noise and face quickly that Raze guessed was supposed to scare him. The shifter just looked back at those empty eyes. Sideburns smiled. "Look at you. Out at night, behind your daddy's back, not even flinching, talkin' back to strangers. Got a wild streak in ya, don't you?"

Raze didn't know how to reply to that. He wanted to argue about being behind his dad's back, but letting them know he didn't have one would be revealing weakness...and he knew better than to reveal weakness. So instead of replying, he sat silently, hands still on the cold metal chains of the swings.

"Seems boring to me," Hairline shrugged, taking a puff of his cigarette. "Hasn't fucking moved for the last five minutes."

"The boy is smart," Singapore glanced at Hairline. 

Sideburns smiled and stepped not away, but around Raze. "C'mon. Play with him a bit. I'll bet he jus' needs some time to open up."

Raze had to looked up at them, and that's when he realized that they had all come into his space over the conversation and were standing closer around him. With mild fear, he started to see that this could, potentially, be very dangerous. The boy started to stand, only to be gently pushed back onto his seat on the swing by Singapore. So far, Raze figured he was the most trustworthy of the trio. He cast a questioning look up at the man. 

"We won't hurt you. He's going to see if you can play an older game with you," Singapore said, squeezing his shoulder. Raze squirmed in discomfort, wishing Victor were here to tell him whether or not these men were safe. He felt guilty immediately. He should be wishing for his mother.

Hairline puffed his cigarette into Raze's face, and the shifter's nose felt like it was burning. His eyes watered and he started coughing, even though he tried not to. Singapore's hand was still on his shoulder, and now Sideburns gripped the boy's hair and tilted his head back. Through his coughing, Raze decided they probably weren't safe.

The man in front of him blew one more puff into his face and then stopped for a second, until Raze could breathe. He wanted to fight them, but when he tried to pull away Singapore's fingers dug into his shoulder and Sideburns yanked on his hair and it hurt.

Hairline smiled and held the stick to Raze's lips. The boy stared at him through watery eyes and kept his mouth shut. "C'mon, boy. It's only a game. Just take a draw."

The shifter's brain was constantly working, and he saw a way out through this. He took a long draw, ignoring Hairline's warnings not to inhale too deeply, and then blew the smoke into the man's face. It didn't seem to have the same effect on the human as on the feral's child, but it worked well enough that Hairline pulled away. Raze felt a little bit nauseous as he kicked at the ground, sending the swing back against Sideburns, and twisted out of Singapore's hand. The shifter fell off the swing onto the ground, getting up immediately to start running, but one of the men had already grabbed his ankle and pulled him back. 

Raze felt pain along his scalp again as one of the men grabbed his hair and then pushed his face down into the smooth pebbles that lined the playground. The boy closed his eyes and mouth tightly, panic rushing over him as he realized that he was being overpowered.

Again.

Last time he was overpowered was in his last martial arts class. Raven had walked in during the last couple minutes and the instructor got to tell her how hesitant her little boy was about hurting his opponent. She wasn't pleased. She reamed him for it, and hadn't talked to him again until today. Asked if he slept well. Raze was sure she'd be angry at him for letting it happen again. He should've fought the men sooner.

The man on top of him turned him over, and Raze stared up at Sideburns, his features clearly expressing panic as he tried to push the man away. 

"Grab his arms," the man said to Hairline, and a second later Raze felt a tight grip close around his wrists, tight enough to hurt a lot. The shifter felt a hand crudely palming between his legs, and felt his cheeks heat to bright red. 

"N-no, no, please, please don't-" he said, trying to writhe out of the grip, voice higher pitched and shaky. No one had ever- except himself- was this-? He heard a loud 'crack' the moment after, then felt the sting of the slap that turned his head to the side. Sideburns gripped Raze's throat and started fumbling with the shifter's 'pants'. 

"I didn't say we should do it _here_ ," Singapore interjected, disapproval heavy in his tone. Raze couldn't look at him, he was too busy trying to maneuver out of the two men's holds without shifting. Instead, he was looking at Sideburns' cold eyes, utterly terrified as they filled with lust 

"I'm not waitin' to get a fuckin' hotel," the man all but growled, succeeding in yanking the boy's jeans down to his lower legs.

"No! Stop it," Raze yelped, still scrambling in the hold trying to get away. The cool air made his skin tingle, but that scared the shifter. He thought he was getting pins and needles or starting to pass out in shock. 

Sideburns hitched Raze's legs up, bent them toward the boy's chest, and leaned over him as he worked his own pants down. Raze could barely breathe under the weight above him, but that discomfort was replaced with a sharp pain when the man pushed two fingers into the shifter. He writhed, trying desperately to get away, but the movement only seemed to drive the fingers deeper. The boy held still, seeing if that would work.

"Good boy," Hairline said, chuckling. "You relax just like that for the ol' man over there. It'll hurt less."

Sideburns smirked down at the boy and thrust his fingers in all the way to the knuckle. Raze whimpered, then yelped when the man twisted and pulled them out. He felt something rip, and when Sideburns pressed in again it felt a lot less dry. "Aw. Made you bleed," the man said, and Raze blinked up at him, staying as still as possible. The fingers scissored inside him, tearing a new wound - the old one was already closed - and the boy closed his eyes tightly, biting his lip to distract from the pain.

He'd never played with that hole before. Raze had masturbated pretty regularly since their first wet dream. They'd played with their other hole and their lips and cock. Not with this hole, not in any form. They didn't know how much it could hurt.

Raze could smell Sideburns distinctly as the man pulled his fingers out again. He breathed quickly and tried to relax. The man wasn't very clean, and had the scent of alcohol on him. He wasn't drunk, hadn't been drunk recently. Just had a drink or two. The boy gasped and his eyes flew open as something big pressed against his hole, and stared up at Sideburns' visceral grin. And then-

Hairline let go of one of his wrists, hand clamping over the boy's mouth to muffle the rest of the scream. Raze felt like his insides were coming out when Sideburns pulled mostly out of him, and the boy started crying when he pushed back in again. This felt _wrong_. Everything about it felt wrong. 

_Should've fought them. Should've fought sooner. Need to stop crying. Have to stay in form._

The man seemed to thrust into him for what seemed eternity, but was barely a minute. Raze felt like he was going to drift away a couple times, but his healing factor kept him awake through the ordeal. Sideburns thrust harder into him, and then Raze felt the hot spurts of cum line his insides. He turned over when the man pulled out, turned over and started crawling frantically away. Hairline gripped him by the hair and dragged him back over to the swing, bent him over so his hips were resting on the seat and his torso hung down. Raze tried to pull away again, reaching for purchase. The pebbles moved through his fingers. The shifter panicked when the man touched his back end, and suddenly they felt themselves lose form. They froze, looking at their blue hand.

_Shit._

"...well, ain't that a shocker?" Hairline drawled, a chuckle soon following. His fingers drew down Raze's cheek and over their crack, down to their vagina, over their testes and finally to their cock. Their skin twitched in response to the contact. They felt too exposed. "It's a mutie hermaphrodite."

Raze felt their face heat in shame as the other two men came to look at them, feel around their vagina, hold the little cock.

"Freak," Sideburns muttered. "You wanna fuck _that_?"

Hairline laughed, fingers dipping into Raze's vagina. "Hole's a hole."

They felt like they were going to throw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, requests? I'll take any and all. Even if it's an extension of this chapter.   
> Don't be shy.


	2. The Morning After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this took a lot longer than expected, but that's mostly because life. Here it is, though, and here are the chapter warnings: mention of underage, mention of rape, blood, sadness, pain, shame, implied neglect, discrimination, gender dysphoria?, non-sensual description of sexual organs,

When the men finally left them alone, Raze was hurting all over and couldn't tell what time it was. They couldn't tell where they were, either. They remembered the men dragging them out of the park because it wasn't comfortable, remembered losing control of their bladder like a little kid and crying, remembered a walking trail and a bench... but they couldn't tell where they were. 

The shifter curled in on themself, blades of grass scratching their skin gently, and shook violently. Their eyes were wide open, focused on the grass...they counted seventeen strands before their eyes started to drift closed. 

_Can't fall asleep here. It's not safe. Have to get away before somebody finds me and does...that...again..._

Raze felt hot drops pouring down their face as they unfurled and began to crawl away from the path to a patch of trees. Everything hurt badly, especially from the waist down. They kept most of their weight on their arms, pulling themself forward. They were still bleeding from the last tears, the freshest ones. They couldn't count how many turns the men had taken, but it was a lot. They kept wanting Raze to shift into different forms. The first few times they went into their vagina, it hurt sharply, but eventually it hurt less. Every time one of them went into their ass, though, it tore and hurt. It wouldn't get looser. They said that it should've gotten looser. 

Maybe it was their healing factor, Raze thought blearily. A quiet cry of pain escaped their lips when something inside them flinched and tightened, aggravating the half-healed rips in their colon. They paused crawling for a moment, rested their forehead against the ground, and found themselves crying again. They were shivering so badly from how cold they felt, their private parts hurt and weren't private anymore, they could barely breathe from the fear that someone would find him or the men would come back. They curled protectively into themself, exhausted and terrified. They were so tired, but they knew they shouldn't sleep here and now. It wouldn't be safe-

The sun broke the horizon around five-o'clock, but didn't shine far, interrupted by highrises. Still, Raze woke just then, bouts of shivers running through their form. They felt like a block of ice. Raze took a breath, but when they released it they felt tears surface with flashes of fresh memory. They rolled just enough to press their forehead against the ground, sobbing into the grass as if it could take the memories and soothe their pain. Instead, the knowledge sat while their tears subsided, and they sighed. They felt so exhausted. 

With a breath, they focused on raising their body temperature. After a few moments, warmth spread through to their fingers.

When they pushed themself into a sitting position, they froze at the sight of their own body. Nude, in their original form...Raze covered themself immediately, hugging their knees to their chest with a wince at the last twinges of pain. They glanced around, confirming that no one was there. They were still blue. They shifted to a flesh tone, and then to a male form. 

It didn't have anything to do with the men, really. He just didn't like the other form today. 

Raze didn't want to move. He sat and stared at the ground for a moment. He had to get up and go home before Mom noticed he was out early.

He kindof really wanted to see his mother.

\------------

Normally, his excellent sense of direction helped Raze home. But today...well, he didn't know where he had started, whether the park was north or south of the place he'd woken up. So he just walked the path in one direction until the small treed area petered off. It led him out to the streets of a neighborhood less attractive and seedier than the other, but Raze still couldn't get his bearings, so he kept going straight.

That was the nice thing about an island: you couldn't really get lost if you knew your way from the docks. Raze certainly did. He found a fish-and-chips booth that he recognized, not yet open for business today, and headed home from there.

Raze snuck through his bedroom window a little after seven and listened at his own door to hear where his mother was.

He wanted to sleep. He wanted to shower, too.

The shifter thought about it for a moment, then decided to shower first. He didn't want to sleep with blood and semen stuck everywhere on his natural form. Certain that his mother wasn't upstairs, he ventured out of his room with a towel in hand.

He'd been wrong, unfortunately. Raven came out of the master bedroom as Raze headed to the bathroom.

He looked up at her, slowing slightly, hoping she hadn't noticed that he'd been out, hoping she couldn't tell what they- what he let them do to him last night.

"Good morning, Raze," she said, acknowledging him like any other day, like nothing was out of the ordinary, like she hadn't refused to talk to him for a week because he failed to defeat his martial arts opponent, like he hadn't been outside all night. Unlike any other day, Raze wanted to ask her for a hug...but he was unable to say a thing. Her expression didn't soften, but her tone did very slightly. "Did you sleep well?"

"Uhm," he said very softly, blushing and glancing down. He hated lying. He raised his voice to a normal volume to answer. "Yes. Did you?"

"Yes, thank you. Hurry and shower, Raze. Your first tutor is here at eight, isn't he?"

They wilted inside. She didn't know. Still. She just didn't pay attention. "She is."

"Good," Raven nodded.

"Can I talk to you about something?" he worked up the courage to mumble.

"You're busy, and I'm on my way out for a job. I'll be back in a couple days," she stated. "Can it wait?"

Raze looked up at her, and nodded. Maybe in a couple days it would be easier to tell her. "I guess." 

"Then we'll talk in a couple days," she said as a 'goodbye.' 

"Sure," he replied.

Raven walked past him, and Raze ducked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. With a sad, ashamed, and lonely sigh, he leaned against it and slid down onto the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his forehead on them.

He felt so dirty. She would be so disappointed if she knew he hadn't fought. He didn't know why he hadn't. He should've. He should've fought the whole time. He couldn't tell her. It was gross. He was just a gross little freak who wanted it. They'd said that. He hadn't believed them at first, but he hadn't fought...and sometimes he'd felt good...and sometimes they'd touched him kindly...

He must've wanted it. And he was all dirty now because of that. 

Raze shifted their clothing away, shifted into their natural form, and got into the shower with the water turned very hot. They had to get clean.

They thought about their talk with their Mom. They wished she had've hugged them. They really wanted to be touched kindly, by someone who cared. With a twinge of pain, however, they realized they wouldn't want her to touch them when they were dirty, anyway. Raze's tears mingled with the hot water, and they wiped them away with a facecloth. They wished she wasn't leaving him alone again. And telling her...

They couldn't tell her about it when she got back, because if they told her what the men had done, they'd have to explain why they hadn't fought, and they'd have to tell her that they'd liked it. She'd be ashamed of him. 

"Ugh. Get yourself together," they mumbled out loud to themself. "Victor says to focus and get the job done when you're emotional. Emotions come later. Just work for now."

Nodding at their own advice, Raze felt themself calm, felt the loneliness subside. They washed their hair first, taking care to get all the parts that were crusted together with cum. Scrubbed from neck and arms downward, trying to put off touching that area and trying to ignore the red water that was gradually turning pink. They rinsed and picked up the cloth again, their fingers beginning to shake.

Cupping their penis, they pressed the cloth tentatively against the labia, relieved to the point of crying when they found it didn't hurt down there. And of course it wasn't tender anymore - they had a healing factor. Raze berated themself for making a big deal out of nothing as they scrubbed blood and cum gently away with a shaking hand. 

The worst of the discomfort was after they'd cleaned the dried fluids from their labia and cheeks, and had to do their cleft and labia minora. The tears began to flow freely, and they quivered as they realized some of the fluids were still inside them. The shivering became violent as they started to push a finger into their vagina, and Raze had to move to their knees, afraid that they might lose balance standing and shaking.

The shower was loud, and when they pushed their finger in they didn't seem to have enough water to wash with. They pulled out and wiped their nose on their arm, then put the stopper into the drain, turned the shower head off and the faucet on, and let the tub fill enough to cover their hips. Then, starting to tremble once more, they reached down to clean themself again. 

It was alright, at first. They tried to move their finger to get as much water into the cavity as they could, tried not to think about the feeling of having something in there again, tried to ignore their discomfort. It didn't hurt, with just the one finger. It was almost nice feeling....

Raze bit their lip and pulled out quickly, sitting back against the side of the tub. It wasn't supposed to feel good. What the men did to them. They were sure of it. Except sex was supposed to feel good. Wasn't it? How did that work? How could something feel good and bad? Were they supposed to feel like they shouldn't have enjoyed parts of it? Were they not supposed to enjoy it at all, or were they supposed to enjoy all of it? Sometimes the men had said they were beautiful, and sometimes they'd called them names. They didn't know what to make of it, couldn't tell where the truth was. 

They sighed, then whined softly in exhaustion. They really wanted to sleep. But they still had to clean what was left of the men's come out of their other hole. Tiredly, anticipating the pain of penetrating that part, they reached back and pressed a couple fingers against their rim. One moment played back in their from the early morning, when the men were seeing if they could get Raze's hole to stay open. The shifter couldn't help that they started crying. They felt like it was happening over again, like the men were touching them and calling them things. They reached for the side of the tub and held tightly to it with both hands, pressed their forehead against it, tried to think of anything other than that moment. 

Mother? No, that didn't help, because now they felt the cold emptiness of her presence and heard her saying that she needed to leave on a job, could it wait?

Victor. Victor's strong arms when Raze went to hug him, Victor's even, calming tone when the shifter was afraid of a bear in the woods, the smell and homey feel of Victor's cabin. 

Gasping shuddering breaths, Raze wiped their tears away and thought of how Victor might respond if they told his uncle what had happened. Would he be upset? They didn't think so. Not upset at them, surely. Victor didn't get upset at them very often. Victor never ignored them when they did something bad, either. Ever. 

They got out of the tub and left the bathroom, padding down the hallway back to their bedroom, not caring that they were nude and dripping wet. Mom was gone, anyway. They found their cell phone and called one of the two numbers they had programmed into their contacts. 

"Hey pup," Uncle Victor greeted them when he picked up. Raze settled back into the tub with a sense of relief. 

"Hey, Uncle Vic," they said softly into the phone. "Are you busy?"

"Not overly," he drawled, and Raze heard a noise from Creed's end of the phone like someone had cried out. "There. All free, runt. Whatcha callin' about?"

"Nothing much," they responded, still quiet. They felt awkward talking to people. "I was just...thinking. That I miss you. I wanted to talk to you."

"Hm. Somethin' wrong, pup?" Victor grunted, mild concern in his tone. 

Raze worried at their bottom lip with their teeth, tears springing to their eyes as they thought about telling him. They decided not to, and wiped the tears away with a sniff. "Nah. Nothing wrong. Just-" that would be the perfect excuse "-Ma left again. She's got a job for a couple days."

The shifter was pretty sure he heard Victor bite into something just then, and their nose wrinkled. They weren't going to ask what that was, in case is was the person their uncle had killed. 

"Well, runt. Ain't like I can usually take time away t'go see ya, but if yer ever feelin' lonely like that again, y'can still talk ta me."

"Can I come see you?" they asked quietly. 

Victor thought it through. "Sure. I'll walk ya through the travel steps. Pack up an' tell me when you're ready to leave."

"Okay. Thanks, Uncle Vic," they said, relaxing against the ceramic. 

"Welcome, pup," he replied, and a moment later asked again, "You sure there ain't nothin' wrong 'sides Raven?"

Tensing, they looked down at themself, winced and glanced back away. _I hate this body._

Raze didn't know where the thought came from, didn't know how to handle it. They felt a cry coming on, and forced themself to speak in a normal tone. "Yeah, that's all."

A long pause. "Alright, pup."

A shorter pause, and Raze spoke quietly. "I should go. I'll get ready like you said, Uncle Vic."

"Sounds good, runt. Bye."

"G'bye," they said, then hung up. 

Everything was going to be okay. They were going to go see Uncle Vic in a little bit. 

Raze whined and rested their head against the side of the tub, reaching behind themself. They just had to finish cleaning up first.


End file.
